Midlife Crisis or Midlife Awakening?

We all know the cliche of a midlife crisis: get a divorce, date younger people, quit your job, run a marathon… the list goes on. Nowadays, lots of people like to call it a midlife ‘awakening’, but that awakening can feel a lot like a crisis if we don’t take the time to pause and reflect before taking action.

Here’s the thing, especially for women, we often arrive in midlife tired, caring for others, and not quite sure where all the time has gone. Many of us have had twenty or thirty years rolling from one big transition to another: university, work, marriage, kids, with barely any time to catch our breath and think about the life we want to actively create. Then suddenly we’re hit with an empty nest and/or a change in relationship/career/health status, caring for elderly parents, etc. If we’re not careful, we will keep bouncing from one challenge to the next, always reacting and never consciously creating what WE want until one day we wake up and either take drastic action or realise time has run out. Neither are great options.

There is another way, though.

I call it the Midlife Pause. This is where we actively and consciously choose to take a moment to pause, reflect, connect and only THEN take action. It’s a time to look ahead at what we want for the years ahead, not behind at what we have lost. We can’t recapture our youth, we can’t turn the clock back, BUT we can decide what we want our Next Chapter to look and feel like. Maybe this means taking a few tiny actions, maybe it requires a bigger step. The important thing is to move into a mindset of creation not reaction.

There are two scenes in films that always make me think of midlife. One is in The Holiday, where Kate Winslet’s character realises everyone is meant to be the Leading Lady in their own life story. The other is in Runaway Bride, where Julia Roberts stands in front of half a dozen plates, each with different eggs on, as she tries to figure out what kind she actually likes. I think many of us arrive in midlife, feeling as though we have become the side character in our life story, and wondering what we even really like/want anymore.

If this resonates, grab a piece of paper or a journal and use the following three prompts to start gaining more clarity around your Next Chapter. Don’t overthink your answers; write from the heart. There is no right or wrong.

1 Three things I would like to enjoy in my 80s are… (e.g. time with friends/family, independence, dancing, travel, good health, etc.)

2 An older woman who inspires me is… because…

3 When I was younger, I wanted to be … because… (e.g. a nurse because I wanted to help people, a toy maker because I liked being creative, a movie star because I wanted some Hollywood glamour, etc.)

Now, take some time to reflect on your answers. Is there anything there that surprises you? Or inspires you? Is there one small action you could take today to start creating your Next Chapter?

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